“Oh God I know I have the strength.

I know I shouldn’t.

My mind is tainted; it will never be the same.

No, no! I will not do it.

Please God give me strength.

Hymns playing in my head, “All I need is you”

My flesh Lord, My flesh is torn.

God I will disappoint you.

AHHHH STOP WITH THESE THOUGHTS!

I’m worthless.

I go back to this, time and time again.

I think I’m so right, when I ‘m so wrong.

God! Please!

STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!

Cry, cry out of sickness.

I can’t fight it.

Release for just one moment.

After, the feeling doesn’t last.

I give up, I’m just human.

God I’m not even fit to carry your armor.

Jesus I’m not fit to wash your feet!

I need to protect myself.

Guard my heart, soul and mind.

Lord Jesus, please forgive me.

One more time.

I am nothing.

I’m not perfect.”