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“Oh God I know I have the strength.
I know I shouldn’t.
My mind is tainted; it will never be the same.
No, no! I will not do it.
Please God give me strength.
Hymns playing in my head, “All I need is you”
My flesh Lord, My flesh is torn.
God I will disappoint you.
AHHHH STOP WITH THESE THOUGHTS!
I go back to this, time and time again.
I think I’m so right, when I ‘m so wrong.
STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
Cry, cry out of sickness.
I can’t fight it.
Release for just one moment.
After, the feeling doesn’t last.
I give up, I’m just human.
God I’m not even fit to carry your armor.
Jesus I’m not fit to wash your feet!
I need to protect myself.
Guard my heart, soul and mind.
Lord Jesus, please forgive me.
One more time.
I am nothing.
I’m not perfect.”